I recently finished reading the gospel of Matthew. As I read through the final chapters about Jesus' crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension, I was drawn to this sentence in Matthew 26:56:
"Then all the disciples departed him and fled."
Jesus and his disciples were praying in the garden of Gethsemane, when Judas approached with a large mob to arrest Jesus. After a brief scuffle, Jesus is hauled away and all the disciples fled. . . ALL the disciples fled.
I'm not sure what to do with that little phrase. On the one hand it is comforting that even the people that were physically with Jesus 2000 years ago had moments of weakness and fear--moments when they abandoned God for a safer option. This is a comfort, because God continued to use these disciples in spite of their failures. In just a few pages Jesus will be committing them with the task of spreading his message around the world. So there is still hope for me when I abandon him for something less dangerous.
On the other hand, rather than comforting, this little phrase is severely humbling. If I would have been in the garden I would have abandoned Jesus as well. I abandon him everyday for something easier, safer, or more appealing. As angry as I get at the disciples when I read about this scene in the garden--I should be equally angry at myself. My betrayal is much easier to hide, therefor I do it much more frequently. I recently heard it put this way in a film, it's like Jesus is that kid sitting by himself at an empty table in a crowded cafeteria, and I just keep ignoring him, trying to get an in at the "cool" table.
I think that I need to be humbled more often than I need to be comforted. The more I face the realities of my sinful-self, the more it pushes me into the arms of grace.
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