God bothers me

Having just finished reading the book of Joshua, I am conflicted . . .
This book contains the story of a faithful God who honors his promises, preserves his people, and does so in awe-inspiring ways.
However;
In order to honor his promises and preserve his people; thousands of men, women, and children are destroyed as God's chosen people take possession of the land of promise.

So on the one hand I am grateful that God clearly keeps his promises: Joshua 21:45, "Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass."
But on the other hand I am bothered that God clearly keeps his promises: Joshua 11:19-20, "There was not a city that made peace with the people of Israel . . . For it was the Lord's doing to harden their hearts that they should come against Israel in battle, in order that they should be devoted to destruction and should receive no mercy but be destroyed, just as the Lord commanded Moses."


But here is what I am learning: God never promised that he would never confuse or confound us.  He never promised that we would never be bothered by how he works and moves in the world.  Our goal is not to fully understand God, but to fully trust God--fully is the key word.  I don't know that I want to serve a god that I can fully understand.  I want the awe, the wonder, the divinity, the mystery that comes from a limited understanding. I understand enough of him that I feel confident in placing my full trust in him.

(Disclaimer: I am aware of the Biblical responses to my conflict--God is the creator and holy.  Humanity is his creation and stands condemned.  We all deserve the destruction that came upon the inhabitants of the land of promise.  It is only God's mercy that saves us.  Isaiah 55:8-9. etc. BUT IT STILL BOTHERS ME, and that is ok.)